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the lust I have for experiencing, living, being...
joy
and how wrong I am for all of it.
to be in the position, but not be the one ... is
there nothing that aches more?
to realize the opportunity
to know that it is valuable
to believe and feel its importance course through your capillaries and
veins
and to watch others waste it
knowing full well that if only I could, I would.
knowing that I am no longer the chosen, no matter how much I wish I were
I writhe in despair
no, it is not for you, they say
you had your chance
you have failed.
the blindness I once had to it?
well, it's gone now
like the apple in the garden
there is nothing of it left
don't you know what it is to have and have lost
and to watch others squander what you had reached for so bitterly?
and fall, the sting of the slap biting hard into the one sore pimple on
your swarthy weather-worn skin
and to feel the blood ooze out like a snake
and to feel it slither across your face
your eyes seeing that they never wanted to see
your heart quaking as it crumbles, trampled and smashed
your mind knowing full well that it could have been
should have been
was meant to be you
and that knowledge killing you softly
your whimpering cries going unheeded by the night
as all you know disappears
as all you possessed is taken away
as all your innocence is tarnished
as all the veils and blinders you never knew you had slide silently to
the wayside.
the light is blinding
who knew it could be so bright?
or so harsh and callous?
or the shadows so dark and menacing
there were never there before...
the agony
the curses!! screamed, yelled
all is unheeded
all is denied
and all you are left with is a pile of fig leaves.
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