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(7/30/99)
Obsession, go away! leave me alone!
You are real! You are not mine!
Not my figment of imagination
Not my personal plaything
I am afraid to touch you
I don't want to reach for you
And see you pull away
But I can't let go!
What is this magic you wreak on me??
Cast spells on my mind
Occupy it, you do
Squish out all else with your you-ness.
So I'm stuck here, with you as my little screen-saver.
And I can't get you out of my head!
Like a trip through the Body Shop run amok.
Sampling lotions and washes and soaps and sprays
The fragrances cling to me.
I can't get enough, even though I know I reek!
That's you.
Like being in bed on a rainy gray day.
Wrapped warm in flannel sheets
Cozy and comfy
Settled and lazy and quite occupied for the day
But I stay in bed
Knowing I shouldn't, but it's too nice anyway!
That's you.
Like chocolate chip cookies on margin.
Fresh out of the oven, aroma fills the air
But I baked too many, now what do I do?
I cram more down, but I'm so full!
What's the fate of those last few?
Wanting, but can't having, ooh.. almost sick!
That's you.
Overload my senses! like a masochistic flame test
I jump back into the fire and get burned.. again.
and again and again, as if tied to a bungee cord
and being pulled back and forth in a twisted
game of tug-o-war.
But you don't even know!
I see us in a permanent twilight, filled with half-truths and half-suns
Dueling
Knowing there are two yous - my you and the true you.
Knowing I cannot have either.. for one doesn't exist
And the other doesn't know I exist.
I must get you out of my head.
Obsession, stoppit! Stop making me feel like this!
Drive me up the wall, like a cockroach in half-marvel, half-fear
And stop, heart, from blinding yourself this way…
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